During the heat n optic class, i came to realize something. I was so blind before that i couldnt even see what's really happening just in front of my eyes. Of course i didnt mean it literally happen in front of me but the fact is, it does happen. Maybe because i'm afraid to admit that the fact is true, i purposely clouded my judgement and shut my eyes close. The thing is, who wants to get hurt? However the harder i tried to deny it, more painful i will be. Ok what the hell i'm talking about out of no where? Here is the story, for the past few weeks i've been torturing myself with beautiful memories that i used to have. I even start asking question whether all the memories is only worth for me?does the other party not effected at all? Does all the time we spend together is meaningless for her?
Ok, one particular important thing that i miss out here, all the memories, all the time spend together, all the laugh, all the conversation, all the night phone calls, all of her smile, every single things that relate us together, there were all in the PAST. I used to have them before, i had my chance already, somehow it didnt turn out very well and it didnt last as long as i imagined it would be. I came to realize that the present should be the priority now, er if it's not for me, at least for her la. Why should i ask her about all the memories that we had together if she's living a happy life right now? Why should she even remember them? I mean the past is already gone, right? What matters now is the present life. As she is living a good life now, i'm leading what kind of life? Well that is the question i'm still working on. Hope i would find an answer soon, otherwise i will keep on living in the past, if i cant live a happy life now just let me live in my beautiful memory where i have everything, i'll wait untill happy face came knocking on my door again. If this is torturing, i'll live by it maybe it will make me stronger in the future, who knows(haha).
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