blabla~

"If u love something let it go, if it comes back to u, its urs forever, if it doesnt, it was never meant to be" nh ayat yg mmbe aku bg. Well done n well said bro(haha). Aku admit stiap bait kata2 ko tu btol, mcm biase la kn ajal maut jodoh pertemuan sume kt tgn tuhan. Ko bguling melompat2 cmne pn kalo da bkn jodoh ko nk wat cmne kn. The truth is we are men. Skang nh maybe kte ckp yg awek tu yg kte nk, she is really the one, she's the love of our life. Seboleh2 nk jgk kn, laki nh bnde yg x dpt or ssh nk dpt yg die nk sgt tu. Ske kn cabaran bru la maksud laki sbenar kn. But then ble da mnghadapi situasi cmnh, awek nk tgk muke ko pn da x lalu, mule la kn mngglabah, mcm2 nk wat supaya awek blk smula. Kol ari2, follow up die pnye perkembangan, cbe igtkn die btapa kte appreciate sume kenangan yg prnah ada, kte cbe btau dorg kte x pnah lupekn dorg dgn harapan dorg pn akan igt same bnde2 tu, cbe btau dorg we feel like shit when they dump us, it's not ok for them to have new bf while we are still suffering because of them, we still love them, we miss them every single day. So in the end, we try to prove to them we are willing to wait. Dengan harapan 1 ari nnt, ati dorg akan trsentuh ngan kesanggupan kte tuk menunggu then balik smula kt sisi kte. Bahagia gle kn jd cmtu.

Realitinye lak, skang nh dh de org lain ngah bahagiakn dorg, ko rs die peduli ke ngan ko pnye kenangan, ko punye tunggu sume tu? Seriously kalo ade org cite mslh nh kt aku, nasihat aku lupekn je n cr lain, pe ssh, ape nk diharap pada yg x sudi kn? Tp ble da jatuh atas batang idung sendiri aku xleh lak nk wat cmtu. Pelik kn? Ckp je pandai, suh wat btol2 da terpinga2. Well as long as aku ada feeling nh lg aku akan tunggu, i'm not worthless u know. But in the end mne la nk tau jodoh kte ngan spe kn. tp kn bro, dr aku knal ko dlu, ko mmg baik punye org, spe yg xnk ko die mmg rugi gle sbenarnye, ko xde la perfect mne pn, tp bg kategori laki aku rs ko laki yg baik. 1 thing i can tell u, she said deep inside she still love u. so pandai2 la ko(haha).

to tell the truth, up until now pn aku still confuse lg. ye la akal ckp lain, ati ckp lain, ari2 kje bertengkar je, sudahnye terkontang kanting aku kt sini. satu solution pn tarak, bikin kepala berat lg ade la. jum kte ikuti pertengkaran mereka:

akal : dia dh ada org len, hang cari laen la.

ati : tp aku nk dia.

akal : dia dh happy ngan org lain la.

ati : aku pun leh hepi kn dia.

akal : dia bkn nk hang dah pn

ati : aku akan tuggu dia

akal : sampai bila?

ati : smpai bila2

akal : c'mon la bro, pikiaq sket, hang igt berbaloi ka kalo tunggu? hang tunggu dia, hang igt dia nk tunggu hang?

ati : err..

akal : ari2 duk tringat kt dia, hang rasa dia igt kt hang ka?

ati : erm..

akal : pompuan bkn dia sorg ja, besepah lg kn?

ati : mmg bsepah, tp x sama mcm dia.

akal : knapa nk yg mcm dia?

ati : da mmg syg kt dia

akal : dia bkn syg kt hg.

ati : err..

akal : cari laen la, xpn x yah cari langsung, lepak sudah.

ati : tp duk tringat lg nh.

akal : lupakn sj, apa nk dikenang pada yg x sudi?

ati : arghhh..nk gak!!

step 1.

haa lebeyh kurg cmnh la ari2, lpas tu mule la belek fon. "nk kol ke xnk?" pastu dail, "tett..tett..tett.." xdak org angkt, "frust".

step2.

akal : duk kata dah dia mmg tamau kt hang la.

ati : dia busy kut.

ulang step 1.

ulang step 2.

ulang step 1.

ulang step 2.

last2 tertidoq. well kalo ari2 mcm tu fedap gak kn, then aku cuba tuk resist dari memegang fon. apa yg ssh sgt nk lepaskn sbenarnye nh kn? bkn pe aku takot, kalo2 peluang tuh masih ada n then aku give kt tgh jln. haa rugi kn? tu kata ati aku. well org kata ikut ati mati kn. sebtolnye aku pkai akal la kn, i know my limit, i'll stop when i have to. i believe that within these few years i've done everything that i could possibily do. it takes two to tangO right? kalo sorg2 dh tntU la laNgkah aku akan sumbaNg. aku xnk trus melangkah ngan sumbaNg!

Honesty VS Sincerity

Tatau mcm mne nk ckp dh, ssh btol la kalo da tlebeh feeling nh, pantang lonely sket mula la nk mnulis. Da mcm pmpn dh aku nh, asyk ckp psl feeling je. Tu la dlu duk kl p cr 1 umah ngan bapok, bajet nk duk umah kemas2,cantik2, xnk yg setinggan2. Pastu duk follow blog akak senduk lak, ala blog bapok tu. Cite die klaka gle kut,rugi la kalo x bce kn. Tp last2 tgk la ape jd, aku lak duk mnulis mntang nh. Bg sume org bce lak tuh. Aku dh rs sdikit pondan dh(haha). Nk wat cmne dh duk sini bosan kn, lgpn best pe tulis2 nh, xde la aku mengalami kemurungan yg melampau pastu wayar short pastu bunuh org. Tgk brita smlm, yg semelih anak sendiri tuh? Kalo die tulis sume bnde yg kusutkn otak die aku rs xde la wayar die putus kn. Stress nh kalo salurkn ikut saluran yg btol xde hal pnye la kn.

Ok abih merepek, cite die psl hasil muhasabah diri ataupun sesi termenung aku lam bas masa on the way nk g masjid selat kt bdr melaka td. Ms lalu tepi kuari tanah kt mne tah aku ternampak buldozer@jentolak, lpas tu aku tpikir, b4 nh kalo involve in any relationship, x kesah la kwn ke, awek ke, skandal ke, aku mtk 1 je. Honesty@ kejujuran, mksudnye prangai ko busuk cmne pn jgn mnipu aku sudah. Ckp direst je x yah selindung2 sbb aku pcaya yg aku boleh handle kbenaran. Yg aku xleh handle hanyalah kbenaran slepas penipuan trkantoi.

Recently, aku dapati de 1 value lg yg penting sbenarnye. Sincerity. Kalo kte ikhlas wat smthing or bkwn ngan smone, god willing smuanya akan bjalan lancar. Org ckp pe tu, aaa bkwn biar ikhlas la xyah nk de udang sebalik mee ke chakoteow ke, walopon udang tu sedap, tp kalo duk sebalik mee ke batu ke cmne nk mkn kn. Kalo btol kita ikhlas nk bkawan kn xde la drpd duk bkwn elok2 trus jd musuh kn. Nh sume jd kalo kte wat smthing nk kne ada kpentingan utk diri sndiri. Selfish nh bgus gak kdg2, tp biar di tmpt yg btol n ms yg btol la. Sme la cm lam politik, aish nh yg mls nh, da membebel smpai politik lak, smpai esok x abih nh. Ok2, main point die, ikhlaskn la diri ble bkwn, jgn smata2 tuk kepentingan peribadi je. Sekian sj hasil sesi termenung aku lam bas td.

emotion breakdown

actually i wrote this one few weeks ago but couldnt publish due to some dificulties. nothing much just things that been bothering my mind that particular time, it's been so hard before that i have to write all of this just to keep my sanity, otherwise i would turn crazy in no time and maybe jump into the ocean attempting to commit suicide. thank god i found this new hobby which is writing and exposing my own self to the public, so i dont have to kill myself anymore(haha). just bear with me for sometimes ok.

Its been 3 weeks already since the 1st time i set my foot here. Everything starting to smooth out as time passed by. The mix feeling, confuse and all sort of negative thought slowly fading away. I admit that i wasnt so sure if i have made a good choice to be a seafarer, the high pay in this career keeps motivating me to overcome every doubt that i have. I really need this kind of job, i like to spend money as much as i love to earn them. Although my job required a lot from me,still i think it will all worth it if 1 day i could live in big bungalow, driving luxurious car. It's true that some people think that money is not everything but for me, lots of money can ensure the comfort of my family. If i were to be married to a lovely lady that i love, i want to be able to provide her with everything that money could buy in this world. Seeing programs like bersamamu in TV really upset me, watching the hardship of women raising their child, i couldnt even imagine my mother being in that position. So i dont think my purpose being here for money is wrong at all. The second highest pay in this world is to be a seafarer, of course airplane pilot got higher pay.

breaking up is tough, luckily my routines here is fucking pack. So i dont blame her at all for the failure of our relationship. I would never have time to entertain her as i know girls need an awful lot of attention, being here as a cadet wouldnt allowed me to be an attentive boyfriend. Keep holding on to her would makes us suffer anyway. I keep treating her as a girlfren but at the same time her heart is not for me.it will just make things worse. I keep consulting my self with such word, the reality is i still couldnt believe that things already over between us. All the memory we had together keeps playing in my mind and i start asking questions "does that means nothing to her?". My heart is aching thinking the possibilities of her answer. There were times when i didnt expect anything from her, after my 1st relationship failed, i got angry with all the girls, i think that they all cannot be trusted, always sneaky behind boyfriend and flirting with all sort of guys. So i figured the very second time i shouldnt expect much because at the end i know the same things will happen again, it is hard when u get involve with such beautiful girl(haha). Anyway, as we spend times together my feeling got attached, we were together in the name of firendship, we never declared to be a couple. I dont mind that as i know even in the name of frens our act is way out of friendship thing, between a guy n a girl there's no such thing as frenship la, at least that is what i believe. I dont really trust her at first, but last year when i have to go on mission in Gulf of Aden because of the pirates, she cried for me. It really moved me, that is the very 1st time a pretty girl is crying for me. My heart melted like an ice cream in a hot sun(haha). So i sailed leaving my heart to her. Almost a month later i returned back to malaysia, we keep in touch like usual and then 1 day she said she's coming to visit me. I coulnt believe it, is this for real?i kept asking her that. The journey itself from her place to Lumut took at least 5 hours by bus, and she have to change between buses 3 times before she could reach me. That kind of action i find it really meaningful, so that day i've decided that i'm hers forever. Not just 1 time u know, in fact several times she came to lumut just to see me. I always look at her in disbelief when we were alone in the car, i still couldnt believe that she is so closed to me at that time. When she noticed that i was watching her, i would just smile to her and she will make her sweet confused face(haha). There were 1 time when the car that i rent broke down in the middle of heavy rain, i was sightseeing with her at Setiawan. Luckily the car went dead not far from a workshop, so in the heavy rain i went out to ask for help. After pushing the car into the workshop, i got wet because of the rain. Then she took her handkerchief that she just bought and began wiping my face with it, at that particular time i swore i could feel her love. My heart was trembling. I lost to her love T____T. i remember two occasion that takes place earlier this year, it was the time that i've seen her laughter the most. when i got interview for alam, she accompanied me to kl, we had a really great time together, of course it was not that long as we arrived in the morning and she went back at the same night. she even iron my shirt,the one that i'm going to wear for the interview, it seems like nothing for some people but it means a lot to me, a great motivation to go through such interview. then during chinese new year, i went to the hot bath at ulu lenggong with her, because of there were too many people we couldnt get into the bath, somehow that night turns to be very pleasant for me, i take her too the beach and we spent time together chatting and joking around. when she laugh at every stupid jokes i made i feel so happy. i was the luckiest man on earth who get to see such a beautiful girl smile and even makes her laugh. i'm proud of myself because of that. Time flies very fast, i think its been almost 2 years already since me and her became "frens". When she said that she have someone else last week, my heart collapse. Everything in this world seems unreal anymore, how can i live when part of me is missing already. Everything that i've work up untill now is wasted already. Why would i force myself to live in a regimental life?why would i choose to sail around the world? If the reason i did that is no longer exist.

Now I Know

During the heat n optic class, i came to realize something. I was so blind before that i couldnt even see what's really happening just in front of my eyes. Of course i didnt mean it literally happen in front of me but the fact is, it does happen. Maybe because i'm afraid to admit that the fact is true, i purposely clouded my judgement and shut my eyes close. The thing is, who wants to get hurt? However the harder i tried to deny it, more painful i will be. Ok what the hell i'm talking about out of no where? Here is the story, for the past few weeks i've been torturing myself with beautiful memories that i used to have. I even start asking question whether all the memories is only worth for me?does the other party not effected at all? Does all the time we spend together is meaningless for her?

Ok, one particular important thing that i miss out here, all the memories, all the time spend together, all the laugh, all the conversation, all the night phone calls, all of her smile, every single things that relate us together, there were all in the PAST. I used to have them before, i had my chance already, somehow it didnt turn out very well and it didnt last as long as i imagined it would be. I came to realize that the present should be the priority now, er if it's not for me, at least for her la. Why should i ask her about all the memories that we had together if she's living a happy life right now? Why should she even remember them? I mean the past is already gone, right? What matters now is the present life. As she is living a good life now, i'm leading what kind of life? Well that is the question i'm still working on. Hope i would find an answer soon, otherwise i will keep on living in the past, if i cant live a happy life now just let me live in my beautiful memory where i have everything, i'll wait untill happy face came knocking on my door again. If this is torturing, i'll live by it maybe it will make me stronger in the future, who knows(haha).

cerita2 org

/smlm ms prep mlm mak aku kol, lepas tnye kabar lebey2 kurg mak aku tnye, ade org asing x kt tmpt aku nh?lupe lak nk cite kt mak aku sblum nh,so aku sebut la satu2 warganegara asing yg ada kt sini. mak aku tgejut. "biaq btoi, muhong sgt aih" kata mak aku dlm nada tgejut smbil gelak2. lepas tu mak aku tnye lak pompuan ade bpe ekoq?. sungguh berbudi bahasa mak aku kn?(haha) "ada la lam 10 org dr 165" slumber aku jwb, "yg dr luaq?". "nh lam kelas ceq ada sorg dr india". "haa,awat x tackle?". "haish..kalo cun cm juhi caula xpa gak". mak aku gelak pastu passing kt abah aku. lepas bg salam je abah aku ckp ,"hg igt hg elok sgt ka?siap tamau kt org lak". "ceq mmg hensem pn,tgk muka ar". "org prasan cm hg ja kata muka sndri elok". "kalo ceq x elok,abah lg x elok, nh turun drpd abah la nh". "abah laen la,mmg smart" slumber je abah aku cover. hampeh. pastu mcm besa la, abah aku bg motivational talk sket. aku pn ye kn la sume. "awat abah kol hg td x dpt?". "td ceq tukaq simkad broadband la"."oo..igtkn hg angkt bila mak kol sj, hg suma lebeh kt mak, lpas nh hg suh mak msk duit kt hg lak xyah mtk kt abah"."mmg la kna lebeh kt mak, nabi suh lebehkn mak,bknnya abah". tu la sdikit sbyk intro. Cite sbenarnye psl aku lepak2 ngan senioR 2-3 ari lpas, snior nh kire lam kategori kadet tua gak la sbb asal usul b4 die msk sini, lebih kurg aku je, so walopn kbanyakan snior kt sini msih lg bdk ingusan, yg aku lepak mlm tu adalah yg tua pnye la,stok bapak budak dh level die. byk input aku dpt; tp scara totalnye lbih kurg kapal aku dlu, cume gji lebih sket,belit lebih sket n kje snang sket. ble da sme2 laki nh smbang topik pmpn Msti naek pnye, die tnye aku de awek x? "bru lpas break senior",jwbku ikhlas. "bgus la" npe lak snior nh ckp bgus? Die btau aku yg kaLO ade awek nh wat skt pala je;byk bnde lg nk pikir, ngan kje blayar lg, awek nh wat beban je. lam ati aku (ceh mcm la aku X pnah naek kaPAL). smlm lak ms klas, lecturer aku merangkap ex-captain kapal tmbulkn soal nh. nasihat die jgn trlampau attaCh sgt ngan pmpn nh; pnah jd kes officer trjun kapal sbb frust. ye la;mmbe sume duit byk2 singgah negara luar g enjoy pkai kete beSar, yg die nh lak idup kemut gle, saving dUit nk kawen konon;brenti rokok, minum sume smata2 tuk kawen kn. laSt2 ble trun kapal nk kawen tunANg da ikut laki lain. dA la duit byk abis dh tuk tunang tuh, msk kapal la kne kutuk ngan membe2;krew2 sume, frust awek lari lg, mmg trjun laut la kn. so lect aku ckp;jgn trlampau attach sgt ngan pmpn nh, biase2 suDah; kalo kne tnggal cr laen. better; ade stok stanDby(haha). sO aku tpikir gak, org ckp org kje laut nh jht,kuat main pmpn. tp judging from previous inCIDent, aku rs bkn slh dorg gak kn?kn? ade 1 lg citE pSl officer snior aku; dIE CKp kt bini die b4 g blaYar "ko kalo nk mnggatal ngan jantAN mne pn pegi la;tp ANAk2 tnggal kt aku" so bini die pn x brani. tu kata2 snior aKU la. Kata2 aku lak, kalo da kawen leh la ckp cmtu,ngan awek xkn nk wat cmtu? de sorg lg lak ckp psl bnde nh pg td, warden aku, die kata pmpn nh racun n penawar. tnjuk pkai jari je laki bleh mnari(HAHA). tp motip dorg nh sume sme je, jgn nk trlmpau lyn sgt feeling2 nh, dh kje duit bsepah nnt xde hal pnye. "ko bleh bli jodoh ko" bak kata snior aku.(haha)

memori T___T

aku da jmpe hobi baru dh. since kegemaran masa lapang aku dicuri oleh warden, aku da mati kutu duk kt sini. seb baek la ada sim kad brodben nh, kire x sume kutu mati la sempat la 2-3 ekor trselamat. walo mcm mne pn, ia tetap mnjejaskn aktvt mnonton muvie kt laptop n bmain game kt fb..isk3, da la level dh tnggi. nk tulis blog pn da kurg mnarik sbb xleh nk buh gamba yg xde kne mngena ngan cite aku(haha) tp sori la aku trpaksa tulis gak demi mngisi masa lapang aku. tp xde la lapang mne pn duk sini, ari2 ade je bnde nk kne wat, ko bygkn la kelas tuh 1 period 2 jam kut, kul 8 smpai 4 tolak rehat sket, 3 kelas je sehari, arini lagi r, de workshop, pg smpai tghari. tp tu bkn main point die aku nk cite arini, cite die pd masa stiap kali de ms lapang;cthnye 5min b4 tdo;weeken,kire time2 oTak aku x bz la snang cite. Aku slalu tringat ms dlu2,kenangan yg lpas2, er lebeh kpd terkenang hubungan yg da gagal sparuh jln la sbb time nh kn ngah lonely(HUHU). org dh xde spe nh kn tnggal kenangan je la. walopon org ckp x baek duk tkenangkn ms lpas tp tuk mek pngajaran pe slhnye kn;lgpn pe gne de memori indah kn kalo nk lupekn sume. ms 1st time kapel dlu aku mentah lg kut;bru nk blaja bgaul ngan pmpn,tgk mmbe aku yg de awek bahagia smcm jE sume. bg aku ms tu, love nh msti give n take; kalo aku willing tuk wat smthing utk awek aku; aku expect die akan wat Smthing tuk aku gak. So everytime diE refuse tuk waT smthing yg aKu nk aku akan fedap sbb aku tgk mmbe2 aku dgn awek dorg xde hal pn;rilek je.npe awek aku x mcm awek dorg? so smtime akan brlaku la drama korea aku ngan awek aku tuh. pastu lpas da break aku sdr yg lam relationship nh xleh demand, kata syg bagaikn,sptutnye kte kne snggup bkorban la kn tuk tgk org yg kte syg tu bahagia. ms tu pendek kata KaLo tgk die senyum pn da ckup tuk bhagiakn aku. as long as she hepi i'm also hepi la kn. so come 2nd relationship sikap aku trhadap hubungan nh mula brubah; ego aku mmg down abih la, yg pnting dpt jg ati si dia kn. aku x kesah org nk ckp pe pn,yg pnting aku hepi tgk die hepi. tp kn somehow aku rs aku da slh lg la; giving in too much also not good. so what is love really? give n take? sacrifice for other? dua2 bkn. skaNG NH bg aku love is beautiful memory that have been creates with involvement of both party, male n female la, kalo ngan bapok songsang kut,tu da tmasuk lam kategori binatang,eh jap, lg teruk kut; lembu pn x bcinta sesama jenis kn? walopn byk memori indah yg kte ada tp malangnye yg buruk2 gak slalu kte igt kn?tepuk dada tnye slera;lu pikir la sndri

misteri

1st time dpt shore leave arini. since bulan ramadhan kn aku x berniat la nk g lepak kt bdr melaka, masjid tanah cukup, round2 bazar, leh beli murtabak ngan air tebu. tapi kecik gle kut masjid tanah nh, ape pn tarak so nk xnk aku ngah menulis blog kt cc. dh la kuar time ngah panas, nk g bazar lak awal gle babi lg, pegi awal2 kang org fitnah aku x posa lak(huhu).

so de bnde aku nk cite sbenarnye, tp since laptop aku warden india celaka tuh da rampas 2 mnggu lepas, menyukarkn aktiviti menulis aku, leh je tulis pkai fon tp sbb terlampau leceh sgt aku tulis ske2 je pkai fon, kalo nk cite series punye kne pkai pc gak r.

dulu masa kt KL aku slalu nmpak org2 muda bwk kete mahal2, dlm ati aku xde lain la, mmg aku syak dorg nh pengedar dadah, xpn anak sultan brunei. muda remaja gitu mne dtg lak duit nk pkai RX8 la, lancer la, caldina la kn, tu x msk yg bwk superbike lg. persoalan die mne bank dorg rompak wat beli kemewahan dunia nh? lastly, bulan lepas aku da dpt jawapan die. dorg kje bawak kapal!(haha). nh bkn cite dongeng or lagenda, utk pengetahuan umum, sebelum drebar kapal nh naek pangkat ke satu pangkat dorg kne wat course dulu and amek ujian, kalo lepas bru la leh nek pangkat. So skang nh kt tmpat aku tuh, de officer yg tgh wat course utk naek chief officer and kepten. maknanye dorg nh sume second officer la kn. Ari2 mcm bdk2 skolah biase gak dorg kne dtg klas, course nh mek masa setaun. sume muda2 lagi beb, kalo ko tgk kt parking tuh mcm2 jenis kete dorg lay out. so nh sume pn jd motivasi gak tuk aku carry on lam bidang nh, ade org pnah kata, kje cmnh xde life, well bg kau kalo xde duit pn life ape sgt ko nk ade kn?kn?kn? tp yg aku heran 1 je, kepten2 yg da x berlayar and kje kt darat nh as lecturer, kete dorg ya rabbi, sume iras2 nissan sunny je, kalo boleh besi buruk tuh dorg nk wat transport, pdehal ms kt laut gji cecah 5 angka kut. sume nh mnjadi misteri n menyerabutkn kepala otak aku, adakah time umo aku 30-an duit aku mencurah2 then msk 40-an aku akan jatuh miskin? jawapan yang aku dpt kurg memuaskn ati aku, ade kepten nh ckp, mmg ssh dorg nk survive sbb dr gji puluh2 ribu tuh, kje kt darat je da tnggal 5 ribu, pengurangan sehingga 4 kali ganda kut.isk3..tp mslhnye xkn dorg xde saving kn?misteri2!

xkn lari gunung dikejar

ok masa dh time dh, smnggu yg panjang dh abih kut. "takkan lari gunung dikejar". aku da tanam nh lam pala otak aku. yang lepas tu biar lepas la kn, nk pikir2 lg pn wat semak perut je. ngan keadaan skang nh better aku fokus kt karier dlu kut, bkn snang kn nk dpt kje gji starting yg cecah 7K kn?walopon keadaan n suasana kje yg agak gampang tp aku rasa berbaloi2 la. berbeza ngan kapal yg aku pnah naek b4 nh, kapal dagang or lebeh tepat lg company aku operate kapal tangki, ala nk bwk minyak petronas ngan shell tuh, kalo kapal aku x jln cmne kete kt bumi nk jln?haa..nmpak cm penting je kn kje bwk kapal nh(haha). ok cite die psl cara keje kt kapal tangki nh yg aku rs sgt cool. compare ngan kapal ms aku g praktikal taun lepas, kapal tangki nh, sorg @ 2 org je yg duty lam satu2 masa nh, kalo kapal dulu, mau sesak haa bridge tuh penuh org jaga tu la jaga nh la,mcm nk g perang(haha). tp struktur organisasi die lebih kurg sme je, captain=co, lpas tu chief officer=xo, 2nd officer=no n last 3rd officer= pegawai yg len2 la, sbb 3rd officer nh tugas die specific psl DCFF je,.so in total ade 4 org officer, tolak captain sbb die xyah duty,tinggal la 3 org je yg rotate setiap 4 jam. dorg nh lak biasenye ditemani oleh kadet, kalo ade kadet la kn, kalo xde sorg2 la duk kt bridge tuh. tp snang je sbb time blayar bknnye ade pe sgt pn, nk msk port lak pkai pilot. so scara rumusannye x heran la krew kapal nh biasenye 20 lebih je,x lebeh dr 40 org pn. Aku tgk bekas2 kepten yg jd lecturer kt sini lak, lam ms 8-9 taun da naek Kepten dh, taun die kire dr kadEt lak tuH..CPT GILE KUT!

a song for u

ldulu ble tgk ade org letak lirik lagu lam blog, aku rs buang masa n x berguna pn sebab no body give a damn, sme la cm aku. tp kn this 1 time aku kne gak tulis lirik lagu nh, kalo nk gambarkn prasaan aku skang mmg xde cara laen dh, nk suh aku bermadah takut panjang sgt kn, drpd madah takut jd haram jadah lak nnt. lagu nh aku tatau dh bpe lme kuar tp yang pastinya aku baru dgr td je. tajuk die SOFIA JANE, blacK mentor tu nyanyi. akU nk typE lirik die nh tp hnset nh lak X leh tekan enteR..........KAU IBARAT PERMATA DI DALAM HIASAN KACA, YANG TAK BISA DISENTUH, NAMUN HANAYA BOLEH DIPANDANG, INGIN SEKALI KU SENTUH, INGIN JUA KU MILIKI, KAU SELALU MEMBUAT HATIKU MERASA BERAT, DAN KAU YANG SELALU ADA, SAAT SEMUA PERGI, BAGAIMANA MUNGKIN, UNTUK KAU MENGERTI, KINI TELAH KU SEDARI, MIMPIKU TAK BERERTI SENDIRI, ANDAI KAU TAHU, APA YANG KU MAHU, MAHUKAH DIRIMU TUK MENDEKATIKU, DAN AKU TAK BISA MEMAKSA DIRIMU, WALAU DALAM TIDUR, KU KAN MENANTIMU HINGGA AKHIR NANTI.... Camtu la bunyi die, LagU nH aku dedIcatE khas untuk die, Igt lah dakU dikala mendengar lagu nH...isk3

"kalo takut dipukul ombak jgn berumah di tepi pantai"

Tragedi nh berlaku pagi semalam, ari sabtu, kire2 pkul 4 pg. tengah aku asyik dibuai mimpi, tibe2 tdo aku terganggu apabila terdengar hentakan kuat bertalu-talu dr pintu. dengan prasaan mls berbaur cuak,aku bgn gak ngan niat tuk mengusha pe yg brlaku kt hostel aku nh. bukak je pintu, muka aku disapa angin yg kuat, loh ribut rupenye, ujan lebat gle2 ah. ksut2 n selipar berterbangan melayang2 dipukul angin yg aku agak2 dlm kelajuan 50-60 knot. Tgk kt rak kasut kt luar blk aku, stokin sume da melayang,sayup2 je aku tgk selipar aku bergolek2. Lam keadaan ribut tuh aku pun mngejar la selipar jamban brwarna biru kepunyaan aku yg bapak sedara aku blikn mnggu lepas. Malangnye dlm kegelapan dan angin kencang tuh aku jmpe sebelah je selipar je selipar tu, sebelah lg mne celah tah die terbang. Sebab ngantuk sgt, aku hentikn mission search n rescue selipar n masuk tdo blk. tapi apakn daya ngan ribut camtu, ujan lebat lg, cermin blk lak begegar, ditokok tambah ngan kilat yg sabung menyabung lak. aku tgk kt lantai blk aku da basah dah. dengar bunyi ombak kt luar blk lak kuat gle. "xkn air laut naek sampai ke bilik kut?mau kne tsunami maut gua pg nh" mcm tu la aku pikir. then aku menghampiri cermin nk usha ombak kt luar tu, besar mne la kalo dh bunyi sampai mcm tu skali kn. nk bkk cermin kompom la seperti menjemput ribut kt luar tu dtg function lam blk aku secara berjemaah. so nk xnk aku lekatkn je muke aku kt sliding window tuh tunggu kilat dtg bru la leh nampak ombak kn,kalo x nk nmpak cmne, dh tntu gelap gle kt luar tuh. kilat sambar je aku usha ombak, xde besar mne pn, bunyi je lebeh(haha). So memandangkn keadaan da terkawal aku sambung la tdO blk. masa nk tlelap tuh aku tpiKir ayat nh "KalO takut dipUKul ombak jgn berumah di tepI pantai"

akunew life

2 WEEKS AGO I REPORT TO ALAM FOR INDUCTION, NOW THE INDUCTION FINISHED ALREADY. WHY THE HECK I'M WRITING IN CAPITAL LETTER? AKU GNE FON LA NK MSK TENET NH, SSH BTOL LA KT SINI CELCOM DE LINE 3G TENET LEMBAB GLE. SEBAB ALANG2 DA ADA KT SINI AKU IGT NK KASI STORY SKET PE BNDE YG ADA KT SINI SBENARNYE?DULU BEFORE MSK SINI CAM MISTERI GAK LA,X BYK INFO YG AKU DPT PSL ALAM NH SBB AKU XDE MMBE PN KT SINI. BILE TNYE ORG JE SUME CKP LEBEH KURG UPNM JE,TP BG AKU AKADEMI SWASTA KN,CIVILLIAN LAK TU,HOW TOUGH CAN THEY BE? DA DEKAT 4 TAUN KUT KT KEM SG BESI TUH,AKU RASA KALO MSK ALAM NH KOMPOM LEH MKNPUNYE(HAHA). SO CITE DIE, AKU LAPOR JE SINI CAM BIASA MULE2 ADE BRIEFING LA, KT SINI ADE REGIMENTAL OFFICER(RO) YANG BTANGGUNGJWB PSL DISIPLIN N HAL EHWAL STUDENT LA. LEH KATAKN DIE MCM KETUA WARDEN KT SKOLAH ASRAMA LA, 1ST IMPRESSION AKU TGK DIE NH AGAK GANAS LA,EX OFFICER ARMY KN,BIASE LA. DENGAR JE TAKLIMAT DR DIE PSL LILIFE YG AKAN AKU GO THROUGH SEPANJANG 2 TAUN KT ALAM N SETAUN KT ATAS KAPAL, AKU DA START CUAK DAH, GUA PNYE KONFIDEN LEVEL DAH GOYANG, KALO X BEFORE LAPOR TUH, DEKAT STENGAH TAUN KUT AKU ASYK BLAGAK KT SANA SINI, RASA CM TLEPAS KANDANG RIMAU MSK KANDANG BUAYA LAK KN. BIBIT PENYESALAN DA MULE TIMBUL DH, KALO LA AKU MSK UNIKL JE SAMBUNG WAT DEGREE KOMPOM IDUP AKU NORMAL JE. D 1ST 3 DAYS MMG TOUGH GILE BG AKU, TP DR SEGI MENTAL JE LA, NGAN GAP UMO YG AGAK KETARA NGAN DAK2 BARU LPAS SPM NH,AKU SSH GAK NK BCAMPUR GAUL NGAN DORG, AKU LEBEH RELA DUK SORG2 JE. BUKAN NK BAJET MATANG KE APE CUMA AKU RS X SLESA KALO BCAMPUR NGAN DORG NH, BUDAK2 BARU NK NAEK SO SEMBANG PN BNDE2 YG GUA X MINAT NK MEK PORT LA, SIANG MALAM DUK TRINGATKN CINTA ATI INTAN PAYUNG PENGARANG JANTUNG PISANG AKU TUH, HAJAT NK JMPE SBLUM LAPOR KT ALAM X KSAMPAIN KN SO SMPAI SINI DUK LAYAN PERASAAN SORG2 LA, TAH DIE IGT KE X KT AKU(AKU RS DIE X IGT PN). ANYWAY MMG ATI AKU X TENTERAM LA, ASYK X SEDAP ATI JE, RISAU PSL CINTA ATI 1, PASTU KONPIUS LAK NGAN PILIHAN AKU UTK MSK ALAM NH, SO AKU AMEK JLN SINGKAT JE, PEGI SMAYANG, DH JD CMNH BRU IGT NK SMAYANG KN(HAHA). LPAS TU AKU MCM DA OK SKET LPAS AKTVT INDUCTION RANCAK BERLANGSUNG KN, KAWAD LA, PT PAGI LA, REMPUH HALANGAN LA, MMG KULIT GUA DA TRBAKAR CM ORG KENYA DH TIME TUH,ALAM NH KALO KO NK TAU BTOL2 TEPI LAUT, DIE PUNYE PANAS PANTAI PAHAM2 JE LA KAN. SEMINGGU JE KNE LANYAK CMTU,MNGGU LPAS TUH DA START MSK KULIAH DH, MCM INTRO SKET2 LA PSL SUBJEK KT ALAM NH NGAN PROSPEK KARIER AS A SEAFARER. TP XDE LA LANYAK CMNE PN,KAWAD PN BIASE2 JE CM KAWAD DAK SKOLAH JAUH BEZA SGT MS KAWAD KT UPNM DLU,KIRE MCM SUMMER CAMP JE LA. AKTVT MCM PACK TP X TERUK SGT BG AKU,BG BUDAK2 BARU LPAS SKOLAH NH TOUGH GAK LA KUT, MERUNGUT JE MANJANG,YE LA DORG BKN BIASA PN NGAN BNDE2 CMTU KN. GUA UNIK(HAHA) APE2 PN AKU PIKIR NH SUME UTK MS DEPAN, XLEH MAEN2 DH NGAN UMO YG STARAF NGAN BAPAK BUDAK NH SMPAI BLE AKU NK PERMAINKN MS DPN AKU KN,XKN NK KJE CYBER CAFE SAMPAI UMO 40 KUT, LPAS TU BLK KG JD PAK GUARD KT SUPERMARKET?XMAU! SO GUA TELAN JE APE YG DTG. OK MSK PART YG BEST LAK, 1ST TIME AKU MSK GALLEY KT ALAM AKU SUDAH TRKEJUT BERUK,AIRCON BEB, MCM EKSKLUSIF GAK LA, TGK MENU LAK,PERGH TANAK KALAH NGAN KAMBINGNYE AYAM BAKAR LAGI SUP2 BAGAI,MLS AKU NK CITE LEBIH2,YG PENTING MKN DIE MMG TIPTOP,GUA DA MCM MAT SALLEH DH DUK SINI TIAP2 ARI MKN KOKO CRUNH,DINNER CIKEN CHOP NGAN NS GORENG. BARU IGT NK TURUNKN BERAT SKANG NH AKU RS DA TAMBAH KUT(HAHA) SDP WEI KAMBING! STUDENT KT SINI LAK INTERNATIONAL KUT, ADE DR IRAN,INDIA,YAMAN, CHINA, PILIPINA, RUMET AKU SENDIRI PILIPIN ADE 2 EKO KUT, XNK KALAH LAK AKU SPEAKING ARI2 KN. TP KLASMET AKU 2 EKOR SHANGHAI CHINA,BLUR SKET LA MAMAT SEPET 2 EKO NH, JGN KATA NK SPEAKING, ORG SPEAKING PN SSH NK PAHAM,TP XPE SBB AKU NH BAIK ATI AKU NGAH TRAINING DORG CKP MLAYU SKANG NH(HAHA). SKANG NH KALO LECTURER TANYA DORG PHM KE X DORG AKAN JAWAB "SEKET2" (HAHA).

so sad

i wouldn't be writing about personal feeling rite now, it's pointless. i lost my heart already, very painful but what to do. the turning point does happen again. my life ain't perfect, i couldnt have everything that i ever wanted in this world. sedeh2~ untuk berkabung nh aku nk pasang lagu hampa-toki, mengusung rindu-spin, dan bila esok-sofaz, sendu di hatimu rindu di jiwaku-arrow, taman astakona-slash..err cukup la kut, lagu2 nh aku rs da ckup tuk mnggambarkn pe yg aku rasa skang. isk3!!