T_T

its been a while now since my heart is restless. few things came up in my life that changes everything. rather than living up a routine life, now i'm a free man. everything is good and exceed to my expectation until now. it's june now, next month will be july, the beginning of semester for every university and the end of my freedom life. the problem is i dont even know where to go yet. what concerns me the most is my parent back at home. they have high expectation for me. my simple working life is good to me now and it sure keeps me well fed. i have no problem living life like this, at least for now. unfortunately it wasnt a great idea for my parents, their wave of question about how i'm gonna live my life makes my heart ache. i means how can a son be so mean and just ignore what their parent said, but i'm struggling with myself now, every now and then i would go here and there even begging for a help so i could get a place somewhere to continue my study. the thing is i'm nobody. why would anybody lend me a hand. somehow i did everything i could to meet my parents expectation, sadly none of them working like i want it to be right now. i should be grateful to have been born within the care of them. they were very understanding, they believe in me even though i've bring shame to them. i mean, what kind of son who admit he love his parent and then screwed up big time. well i'm human i ain't perfect. it was never my intention to make my mom cry, i never meant for her to be heart broken. i love her but still i'm human. "thank you for understanding me mom" . what so ever let the past be by gone, the only thing i can promise u now is i will live my life properly no more messing around with my future. i'll make up for my mistake. i wish i could do more but i ain't perfect. i wish could tell u how i feel, be honest with my feeling. but i couldnt do that, it breaks my heart when u are upset. my words will utterly became rude because i dont know how to properly express my feeling.